


101 Stupid Ways to Die in Thedas

by LadyHawke361



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-16 19:48:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12349461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHawke361/pseuds/LadyHawke361
Summary: You sit in the Library of Skyhold, hearing Dorian mutter and throw books around, when suddenly one of his thrown books lands near you. The book cover is leather that has been dyed a bright yellow and the text is black. You read the Title:101 Stupid Ways to Die in Thedas.By: Julie WatersEditor: Varric Tethras





	101 Stupid Ways to Die in Thedas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lyricalvillain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyricalvillain/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Resilience](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7322896) by [Lyricalvillain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyricalvillain/pseuds/Lyricalvillain). 



> I've been reading LyricalVillain's 'Resilience' and I finally asked her permission to present the idea that Jules has been toying with from the beginning of her journal!
> 
> I figure Varric probably saw her strange lists, even though he could not read them and asked her about it until she folded and told him. I can see him laughing then encouraging her to write it, offering to edit it for Thedosian consumption!
> 
> I hope you like this LyricalVillain!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You pick up the bright yellow book with black text to see the skull and crossbones on the front cover. The title pricks your curiosity, so you open it and begin reading...

**_1_ 01 Stupid Ways to Die in Thedas**

_**By Julie Waters** _

_**Editor: Varric Tethras** _

 

_Hello everyone!_

_I can't believe Varric roped me into writing this silly book._

_I guess he liked the idea, said it would be good for me._

_Yeah, you can't see this but I'm rolling my_

_eyes so hard as I write this little blurb before_

_I get to the good stuff._

_I hope you enjoy!_

_-Julie Waters_

Turning the page you see the book is organized by location, starting in the Hinterlands of Ferelden, moving throughout southern Thedas.

 

_**Chapter One: Ferelden** _

**_The Hinterlands:_**  (Or anywhere really, At least the first few!)

  * **_Giant Spiders_** ** _:_** _They are everywhere! Sleeping in a tree will not save you! These big assed things can climb, and watch out for their venom! They can actually spit it at you._ _I was lost in the Hinterlands and took to sleeping in trees to keep me safe from predators. Only Giant Spiders do NOT respect your desire for a safe place to sleep!_      (Below the discription is a charcoal drawing of a humanoid figure wrapped in spider silk, with a huge spider sinking it's mandibles into the body to feed.)
  * _**Hugging Demons:**_ _I know this is like the end all be all of dumb. I once told a new acquaintance that I'd met a rage demon more huggable than him... Thus this became one of my stupid ways to die in Thedas... Boy was I stretching the truth with that one. But seriously hugging any demon is just a REALLY stupid idea! Don't do it! You have been_ warned!     (Below the discription is a drawing of an Elven female hugging a huge flame covered demon.)
  * **_Infection:_** _Okay this can hit anywhere. People, wash your hands often! After relieving yourself. After preparing meat to cook. Well after any job that requires you to touch nasty ass shit! Come on. You touch that stuff then touch a wound... You put two and two together, you will figure it out!_ _Washing hands is like the most important thing you can do before working on important stuff, like making potions!_      (Underneath is a drawing of a counter that has an enlarged section, showing little microbs on the surface of said counter.)
  * _**Bears:** Oh My God! Why are there so many freaking bears in the Hinterlands?! I mean I didn't even have a weapon and I either had to climb a tree or pray I could out run them. It just seems stupid to die because of a bear attack. Just keep an eye out for them. They especially seem to like ponds, rivers and streams.     _(Following this entry is a drawing of a large bear along a riverbank, clawing a fish out of the fastest paced water.)
  * _**Poisonous Plants:** Okay not all plants are good for you! Elfroot is a pure miracle, however there are just as many poisonous plants as helpful plants. After all Rashvine is very aptly named! Whatever you do, don't use that to wipe your nether regions!     _ (Following is a drawing of a man picking a plant, his trousers are down around his ankles. Another drawing below that shows the man's face full of the agony caused by using that particularly nasty herb!)
  * _**Bandits:** Yeah, these guys can be found ANYWHERE you have villagers and or merchants. Depending on how well armed and armored these guys are, they can be hella scary! Avoid at all costs... Unless you're like a HUGE battle ready Qunari, like the Iron Bull! Man have you SEEN that guy fight? If not, you really need too! Honest! He makes them cry like little babies!_ _However for little Elves like me, they are totally bad news!_      (Following this entry is a drawing of a Qunari chopping an armored man in half with his huge axe. Under the picture are the words, 'Iron Bull putting a Bandit in his place.)




End file.
